Say Yes … to the Feminine

I want to share a small part of my story how she revealed herself to me for the first time.

In 2012, during my first ayahuasca ceremony, I met her.

Met who?

The Feminine.

She was unlike anything I had ever known.

Powerful. Vast. Intelligent beyond measure.

Absolutely magnetic. Insanely mesmerizing.

She knew more about me than I knew about myself.

She knew where I had been, where I was going,

and who I was beneath everything I thought I was.

And I also knew I wasn’t ready to surrender to her.

I didn’t even know what surrender really meant …

or how to do it…

I wasn’t ready for her yet.

I remember saying:

I understand you know everything.

I trust that you know more than I do.

But I didn’t know how to live without being in charge of my own life….

I didn’t know who I would be

if I allowed myself to be guided

by something greater than myself…

So I begged her to leave.

I begged her to take the knowing away.

I told her I was fine not knowing …

even if it meant staying small.

Years passed.

Then, more than a decade later, at an ecstatic dance,

I set an intention simply to be present.

I asked for guidance …to receive what my next step was.

I danced.

I dropped into a trance.

And she appeared again.

Clear. Undeniable.

The same presence I had met all those years before …

this time while I was completely sober.

The moment I saw her, I dropped to my knees.

My heart wide open.

And I realized how deeply I had been longing for her …

that all these years,

she was the one I had been searching for.

So I spoke.

Though it felt more like a proposal …

a real, serious invitation.

Please, I said.

Will you live inside of me?

I don’t want to take another breath without you.

I understand now that I need you

the same way I need my next breath to stay alive.

Please guide me.

Live through me.

And I will listen.

I will follow.

I will surrender everything I am

to experience you

through my everyday life.

And something merged.

It took me years after that

to truly understand what had happened …

to feel how deeply my body had been longing for her,

how much my bones missed her,

how essential she is to life itself.

I learned that the Feminine does not arrive

through force or performance.

She arrives when we ask with reverence.

With devotion.

With space inside us wide enough to receive her …

when we are ready to hold her the right way…

When we understand

not intellectually, but somatically …

that our life depends on being

in relationship with her.

Living with her is a different life.

She moves through the ordinary.

Through the body.

Through everyday moments…

This is not a concept for me….It is a lived and very intimate relationship…where I hold deep love and devotion for the Feminine.

Couple years later I had a process with the Masculine as well … which was similar yet very different… since it hold different energetics and feels…

But thats a story for another time…😉